I Can See 20,000+ Eyes

A little less than two years ago I became exposed to the most intoxicating Italo Disco song I’d ever heard, and I’ve been under its spell ever since. “Eyes” has a great beat and a heavenly synth buzz, but nothing is more arresting than Clio’s exotic vocals. As I listen to this song, I feel like a siren is drawing me to another planet -- I’ve just never heard anything like it. Last year, I made a psychedelic video for it and it has now passed the 10,000 Youtube hit mark.

Even if you can excuse my starry-eyed description of the song, you may still find it silly to celebrate such a non-achievement, considering how some of the most moronic things imaginable can get millions of hits on Youtube. That goes without saying, but the boundless size of the internet makes it almost impossible for some things to get noticed. In a nutshell, that’s why the play counts on my songs and videos are so low -- how my gems stay hidden, if you will. Even though “Eyes” is quite a rarity, people all over the world love it, and that’s how my video got so many views (and also I checked on it a lot.) Italo Disco is a total cult genre -- many of the fans are obsessive record collectors like myself, while others were actually out on the dancefloor during the height of the craze. These people have great taste, and the fact that so many of them have left such flattering comments is a big feather in my cap. My intention was to visually interpret a song that I loved, to try to recreate the picture that it painted in my head. It’s been a delightful surprise to find that I’ve struck a chord -- that people, like I am, are infatuated with Clio but also seem to particularly relate to the abstract imagery I’ve attached to the song. Perhaps the video is reminiscent of what they had imagined in their own minds, as if I captured the transcendence of the song through synesthesia, speaking subconsciously to the viewer. Then perhaps Clio is really an intergalactic empress, speaking in a secret language to hypnotize us into worshipping her. Well maybe that’s going a step too far. But the point is that the most optimistic view of the internet is to see it as a vessel for people to people from all across the world to communicate and share the best of what life has to offer. Despite my general cynicism, I can actually appreciate how gratifying the ‘ideal internet’ is. But seriously, give the ‘intergalactic empress’ theory some real thought.

BoJo's Hush Hush Mix-Em-Up

http://www.mediafire.com/?btwo1jr95c5znyu

Here's a ravishing mix of electronic instrumental radiance, compiled by your favorite ghost, Boy George. Click the link to download it and then party to that phantasmal funk! BoJo knows electro.

If We Took a Holiday

Thanks to precise and effective marketing, many Americans have been tricked into believing in two patent falsehoods:

(1) Thanksgiving tradition is really all about the frenzied overnight Black Friday shopping.

(2) Super Bowl tradition is really all about the grotesque parade of ads.

How to Make Observational Humor

I would never make such a blasphemous claim as, “Oh hey, I possess the same magic of Jerry Seinfeld,” but I feel as if I can humbly provide an analysis of his comedy and how it works. Actually, I think Seinfeld is pretty magical. No matter how many times I’ve seen every episode of his show, I’m always down to watch a re-run. That’s how I’ve learned about his rhythm and the structure of his jokes -  it’s not that I’m that funny - and again, I’m not claiming to be the ‘next Seinfeld.’ It’s OK if you make that claim. That’d be just fine. But basically I’m like a shitty guitar player that’s listened to “Enter Sandman“ a million times until he can play it a little bit, and then posts a video on Youtube about how to play it.

So here’s how it works: Seinfeld first starts off with a “Did you ever notice?” This has to be something relatively common in everyday life - something people will be familiar with, yet something a bit perplexing and annoying. You know you’ve really found the right subject when the audience thinks to itself collectively, “Oh my god! I’ve noticed that! But I’ve never really been able to describe it.” You know – like why do they call it “taking a shit?” You’re not taking anything, you’re get rid of stuff! What’s the deal? The topic is now on the table. We’ve brought it up, we’re breaking it down, we’re talking about it.

So the next part, what sort of serves as the punch line, is the extrapolation of the joke. The comedian takes the subject matter a few steps further, asking rhetorical follow-up questions and offering some alternate scenarios to go along with it. “What if it was this way? What if this happens?” Just throw in some exaggerated variables to make the topic that much more absurd. In regards to taste, there’s a delicate threshold to consider – you want to be provocative without being offensive. The ideal crowd response would be a side-splitting “HAHAHAHA!” and a simultaneous “Oh hmm. How bout that.”

Let’s try a few!

Did you ever notice? These people with the Apple stickers on their cars.

Extrapolation: So I need to know your favorite sports team and what brand of laptop you have? Great, thanks for all the information. I mean, what’s the point? So according to your stickers, you are equally proud of your iPad as you are of your 4^th grader. I mean, how come you never see a Windows sticker on a car? “My other car is a Dell.”

Did you ever notice these Extreme Coupon people that buy a warehouse-worth of food? So my main question is – are they making quick trips to the store in between the big ones in order to get a little fresh food? Or are they flat out eating nothing but frozen and canned shit? Honestly, fresh fruits and vegetables are SO goddam good (and good for you) that it’s worth dealing with the hellish experience of going to the supermarket – God forbid – every week, and even paying the brutal full price of what? $.79/lb? I mean, come on. I sort of get why you’d want to stockpile food if you had a few kids, to streamline what I’m sure is an exhausting and never-ending cycle of buying chicken tenders, and cooking chicken tenders, and so on. But just because you got $500 of food for $5 doesn’t mean you’ve saved $495 – you still pay for it in other ways. Your kids can never taste fresh food, you gotta get them on diabetes medication eventually. You have to embarrass yourself at the store and annoy the clerk, who’s probably dying to go on a cigarette break before you come with two carts full of crap and a duffel bag full of coupons. I look at it from a dad’s perspective. The pro’s are that you save a little money and your wife has something to do (instead of cheating on you.) But the con is that you can’t have your garage for a workshop, unless you can fit a tablesaw in between the towers of Cocoa Puffs.

And what’s the deal with anthrax? A few years ago it was all over the news, we had to watch out for it everywhere we went. I mean, when’s the last time you heard about this stuff? I’m just assuming that we’re safe now. Maybe for the terrorists, anthrax was sort of a fad – like their version of Crystal Pepsi or Beanie Babies. Fun for a bit, but then it goes out of style.

See? Observational humor is waiting to be made everywhere, and everyone can have fun with it! Try some of these jokes next time you’re at a get-together or a crowded bus stop.